Just Give Us The Reptoids - Herald-Tribune

We’ll find the water on Mars. Massive quantities. And probably fossils. Oil, too, more than likely. And who knows what else. And one supposes it’ll all be pretty cool. Especially now with the billion-dollar Curiosity rover tooling around Gale Crater. But I won’t be paying attention. Because my expectation bar is, like, through the roof.

Can you spot the artificial fragment on Mars? Curiosity's managers paused this week to consider the case, but next to the hominids and reptoids and humanoids, there's only one word for this photo: BORE-ring!/CREDIT: NASA-JPL

That’s on account of the Mars Anomaly Research Society website. It’s run by Andrew Basiago, who’s already been there numerous times, back in the 1980s, via a secret CIA teleportation program. The Agency was dumb enough to think it could trust him with its darkest secret; he describes himself as a “planetary-level whistle blower.”

Basiago discovered life on Mars a long time ago. Using photos from multiple NASA orbiters and rovers, he shows the whole gallery, from Martian forests to artificially constructed, sewage-sized glass tubes. He’s discovered hominids and humanoids — and yes, folks, there IS a difference. In fact, Basiago found a photo of a humanoid being devoured by a “reptoid” in Columbia Crater. This required true skills of discernment because the feeding frenzy was camouflaged amid a rocky desert. The Discoverer of Life on Mars quotes himself in the third person:

“’This finding will test the limits of the Prime Directive,’ the discoverer of life on Mars observed. ‘Should we let humanoids perish as the food for reptoids on Mars to preserve the balance of nature there, or should we intervene to save humanoids from predation because it is the ethical thing to do?’”

Basiago raises a damn good question. This is not a spoof or a joke because he’s been on George Noory’s “Coast To Coast AM.”

Curiosity’s touchdown dust had barely settled on the lander in August when images of purported UFOs started circulating on the Net. But so what, who cares? Little white dots in the sky? Please — we’ve already seen pix of humanoids and hominids and reptoids.

A few days ago, Curiosity’s mission managers briefly suspended the crawler’s itinerary when its camera grabbed an image of a bright shiny object that clearly wasn’t natural. Some people wondered: Was this Curiosity’s own debris, or evidence of an ET artifact? But again — shut up, who cares. Would you rather see discarded tinfoil from a pharoah’s chewing gum, or the pharoah himself?

Basiago (who has also found images of a Martian pharoah) has his thumb on the throbbing pulse of America right now. He knows what we want. “In 2016,” he writes on his website, “Andrew D. Basiago will be a candidate for President of the United States under the banner Andy 2016 – A Time for Truth.”